Final Fantasy VII Remake Confirmed? FFXIII Demo Included in The Last Remnant? [UPDATED]

[UPDATE]: This is, as the comments section suggests, definitely an April Fool's joke. As Joystiq puts it, "PSXExtreme didn't even try to be witty, they just went for some painful lies." Indeed they did. Pay no attention to the pontifications below.

News coming in from PSX Extreme is we'll be seeing some very big freebies included with upcoming Squenix developed PS3/360 game The Last Remnant. According to their "reliable source at SCEJ" (Sony Computer Entertainment Japan), packed into the box will apparently be "a 22-minute playable demo of Final Fantasy XIII [with the PS3 version]" and like the recently released God of War: Chains of Olympus teased the obviously currently in development God of War 3 for PS3, The Last Remnant supposedly promises a similar tease for a PS3 remake of Final Fantasy VII. Credibility is certainly lent to this story by a previous piece at CVG. However...

Here are the reasons why we're skeptical:

1.) The Last Remnant is the first Squenix game being developed using Unreal Engine 3, a distinctly western tool kit (aside from the fact that it was developed by Epic, an American studio), we imagine they're using UE3 specifically to appeal to western gamers.

2.) A release date for the game is still hazy, a TBD and a vague statement regarding 2008 are the only things Google has to show for it. These aren't the kind of things that often leak this far ahead of time, especially when there isn't a definitive release date. Truth be told, the official confirmation that Dragon Quest VIII would ship with a demo of FFXII wasn't until Sept. 21, 2005 -- the game shipped in North America on November 22nd of the same year (also a full year after it's Japanese release, mind you.)

3.) While The Last Remnant is being developed by Squenix, a traditionally Sony-oriented studio, the game is in development for both PS3 and Xbox 360. Unless Sony ponied up some serious moolah, we're doubting PS3 exclusive demos are included and we certainly don't think Squenix ambitious enough to announce anything formally regarding an FFVII remake at this point in time. Is it in production? Most likely. Is it coming anytime soon? We're putting our money on probably not. (If you're thinking to yourself, "Nah, I don't think Square would make a shiny new version of FFVII for the PS3. No way.", all you have to do is ask one question: Does Square Enix like making money?)

4.) This story from PSX Extreme, well, we've never heard of PSX Extreme. You may be asking your monitor," Well who the fuck are you?" And you'd be right. But still, have you heard of PSX Extreme? Here's their 'about' page. Read up. It looks legit enough. We're confused too.

5.) It's Square-goddamn-Enix. They are extremely notorious for pushing games back for extended periods of time and making grandiose claims, only to later backpedal or entirely retract. They hint at a lot of things and there's a hell of a lot of people out there hoping for this exact kind of information to come out -- so many in fact that it's possible someone could quite easily read the wrong way into something. That's all we're saying.

This stuff could all be true, and hell, we'd be all the happier for it. Though they'd probably stick disappointingly close to the original turn-based combat system that people seem to love so much, this blogger would love to see a Kingdom Hearts style remake, giant gunblade and all. Keyblades are for losers. Oh, and the chances of my version of a remake happening are right up there with pigs flying out of my butt and not getting hassled for your money at any BP gas station in North Philadelphia. Some things just weren't meant to be.